Hello LIPTalk Nation!! How many of you have ever dealt with guilt, even when you didn’t do anything wrong? Well, that’s FALSE GUILT! These are four steps that I took to learn how to get rid of it, or really, to not even feel this way. If you are constantly struggling with false guilt, you are giving permission to someone to allow you to feel this way.
This blog compliments my last episode on LOVE, LIES and PASSION….Here I have four action steps that I took and you can take right now to conquer false guilt and live with passion.
You know the feeling you get when a stranger looks at you in disgust because you wouldn’t let your kid have a candy bar at the store?
I can relate all too well with letting false guilt control me. You know the feeling you get when a stranger looks at you in disgust because you wouldn’t let your kid have a candy bar at the store? Or you chose 2 scoops of ice cream and asked for extra fudge? And in my own personal experience I ask for extra blue cheese dressing every time I order a salad. You should see the looks I get from servers. So, Yes, that kind of guilt. What is with society telling me I need to give in to my child’s temper tantrum because it will make him feel good?? IF you want to scoops of ice cream than eat two scoops of ice cream!! And I am going to ask for extra blue cheese dressing and enjoy it!!
Ok, First let us define Guilt: an emotion that occurs when a person feels that they have violated a moral standard. Conviction: is a firmly held belief or opinion. I hope we all can agree on these definitions because I got them from wikipedia. But it is MY opinion that false guilt leads to self destruction and conviction leads to wanting to improve yourself with action and passion.
There are so many examples I can tell you from my own experience of how I let someone make me feel guilty for something that wasn’t true. My hope is that I can make this as simple as possible for you to understand through this one particular and peculiar story. You see I became a vegetarian at the age of six. I know you’re asking Who becomes a vegetarian at the age of six right?? All I can say is never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever tell a sensitive six year old where meat comes from. AND I MEAN NEVER! This is how I remember the story ….Ok, I have an older brother and sister, who are six and seven years older than I am. I was helping my mom make hamburger patties. When both of my older siblings began to share with me that I was touching the inside of a cow. If you can imagine the look on my face when they told me that you would have thought that my dog just died. But they didn’t stop there. They both had to tell me where bacon came from and chicken and sausage and fish sticks and hot dogs…. You get the point. I was devastated!! I looked to my mother for support, hoping she was going to prove them otherwise and instead of disagreeing with them, she said yes Laura hamburgers come from cows, now finishing making the patties. What??!?!?! I never saw food the same way again. Nor did I live life the same way again. I couldn’t undo this information.
It was that day, I became convicted not to eat meat and to become a vegetarian. My parents thought it was a faze, after a week they began to punish me for not eating what was on my plate. After about a year of trying to punish me, my parents decided they couldn’t handle my tears of Conviction to not eat meat, so they let me become a vegetarian. On the other hand, my siblings felt guilty for such a tragic event they created in my life. I didn’t make them feel guilty. I took the information at the age of six and decided to do something about it. That’s all. They chose to feel guilty. Funny story right?? Ok, don’t shame my siblings. I love them. They no longer feel guilty, at least I hope they don’t.
Now you may be asking many questions right now. That’s okay. I want to share with you what I have found in my research and from my own experiences about false guilt and live with passion. I believe that I can share with you four steps or principles to practice that will help you Live your best life ever!
1. Recognize the facts…
The Very first step to living with out that guilty feeling when you didn’t do anything wrong and live with passion is to first recognize the facts of the situation. If that means you need to say it out loud to yourself, than say it out loud. I highly recommend this. Some studies say that it is a sign of a highly intelligent individual when they speak to themselves. It’s only when you answer yourself is when you should be worried. If your not up for saying the facts out loud, then I highly suggest your write them down. Write down how you heard the situation.
Instead of finding comfort or a kind word, I was told I wasn’t reading my Bible enough or praying enough.
And because you are super intelligent you are going to figure it out pretty quickly if it was false guilt. Just by reading what you wrote down. You will figure out that you held up your end of the deal or not. Several years ago, during the dark ages of my life, I confided in a person about how I was feeling. Instead of finding comfort or a kind word, I was told I wasn’t reading my Bible enough or praying enough. I totally received the wrong information. But because this person was someone I looked up to, I let her make me feel guilty. Looking back on that situation, I see that it was false guilt. I was reading the Bible AND I WAS PRAYING! So, I’m asking you to recognize and state the situation out loud, or write it down so you can hear and or see what really happened.
2. Give yourself permission to recognize that you didn’t do anything wrong.
Now that you understand the need of recognizing the true facts of the situation to live without that guilty feeling when you didn’t do anything wrong and live with passion, you now need to give yourself permission to recognize that you didn’t do anything wrong.
And this is a tough thing for most of us to do. I know this all to well, because I used to be the queen of letting people make me feel guilty for things I didn’t even do. But when I started learning how to give myself permission to be intelligent, the false guilt began to go away. I started laughing more and the sick, tight knot in my gut began to calm.
…I used to be the queen of letting people make me feel guilty…
I actually discovered the real reason why I became a vegetarian, a few months ago. It’s not as funny as just my siblings telling me where meat came from…. But As I was sharing my life story with a new friend, it dawned on me that becoming a vegetarian at the age of six was also a cry for help. Now, I’m about to share a tragedy about myself, but you need to hear…. It was at that very same age I was being sexually abused. I won’t go in to detail now, but I will tell you that this person said not to tell any one. I immediately felt guilty if I did tell someone, but I also felt guilty for not telling someone what was happening, so the strong side of me said if I can’t tell, I don’t want anyone or anything else to hurt for me. So, I chose to not eat meat. Don’t get me wrong, I still stand by not telling a sensitive six year old or a sensitive young child for that matter, at all, where meat comes from. You will ruin their day!! If you need to , Give the news to them gently. But I have now given myself permission to know that I did nothing wrong. I am guilt free from that situation and living with passion.
Now The question is how do you recognize the difference between true guilt and false guilt? The simple question is “Did I do something wrong?” You will know the difference when you answer the question.
“Did I do something wrong?”
Now we have two principles or steps To live without false guilt and living with passion: recognize the true facts, give yourself permission to know you didn’t do anything wrong now I can share a third step with you.
3. Practice the walk of Confidence. (Fake it till you become it)
The third is practice the walk of confidence. Posture is everything when it comes to letting someone make you feel guilty. Have you heard of the walk of shame??? Well, I say practice the walk of confidence. Stand tall. Shoulders back. Smile. Listen. Remember, it’s all about your confidence in the first place if someone thinks they can hurt you with their words. If you are constantly timid or trying to please others you allow yourself to be an easy target for false guilt.
IF you don’t practice these principles you will believe the lie of false guilt, you will then start the negative chatter inside your head. You will then begin to think that you are not worthy. Loathing, denial, self destruction, and not feeling worthy are all symptoms of guilt. Conviction is quite the opposite, loving, accepting, improving and always learning and understanding the value of self worth.
Which leads to the fourth step or principle to live by to live without false guilt and live with passion…..
4. Love yourself
It is to Love yourself. The scriptures say the greatest word of all is LOVE. Love God with all your heart, soul and mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. Please understand that we are to love ourselves. If everyone would understand this, we would not let people make us feel guilty. Do you treat yourself the same way you treat your spouse? Kids? Parents? Seriously, Many of us are conflicted about this topic. The focus has been on our appearance and not what we are worth. I want to help you love yourself. Love your mind, love your talents, love your personality. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Do you treat yourself the same way you treat your spouse? Kids? Parents?
Ask yourself, Do I let people make me feel angry towards my circumstances that I am in right now? For years my past haunted me. But remember I actually didn’t learn the difference between guilt and conviction until this year. And I am sooooo thankful. I had this aha moment. Again, I bring up that the greatest word in scriptures and in any language is love.
The greatest command is love. I challenge you all to practice in your daily meditation , to inhale “God loves me.” And exhale, “ I love myself.”
There is Hope.
Some of you may be saying I don’t know how to love myself. I have been told that thinking of myself is wrong. I understand this. But let me ask you this, what is the opposite of loving yourself? The only answer is hating yourself. And none of us are called to do that. We are all called to love. So stop the guilt everyone!!!! Just stop it!!! And Don’t think I’m giving you permission to preach your convictions on someone else either. This is to help you understand that maybe you have been believing a lie and living in guilt. It’s time to conquer the guilt.
What is the opposite of loving yourself? The only answer is hating yourself.
So here is our 4 steps or principles to not live with false guilt and live with passion:
1. RECOGNIZE THE TRUE FACTS
2. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION THAT YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG
3. PRACTICE THE WALK OF CONFIDENCE
4. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY LOVE YOURSELF
It’s time to conquer the negative voice inside and start putting positive thoughts in.
Are you depriving yourself of something when you it makes you unhappy? And are you letting someone make you feel guilty about your circumstances?
You are intelligent. You are strong. You are amazing.
Listen to my episode here!
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